Autism Awareness: Nonverbal, but Loud



 

Written By: Elycia Haley


June 14, 2018, is the day I gave birth to a handsome baby boy. I’ve always wanted a son, and I even had the perfect name picked out - Elyne. As I held my son in that hospital bed, I dreamed of his future. My son will be a fireman. No, he will be an astronaut. No no no!!  My son will be the next president of the United States. As time fast forward, Elyne is now 1 year old, but he isn’t walking. He definitely isn’t talking. “Why can’t he keep eye contact with me”?

 

4 months after his 1yr birthday, Elyne takes his 1st steps! I’m excited. I’m crying. I’m leaping for joy. Elyne is walking. Elyne still isn’t talking. I never miss a pediatric appt. I have to make sure my future president is healthy. I voiced my concerns to his pediatrician who responded “He is fine”. But sir my son doesn’t talk, and he doesn’t even want me to hold him. “Why can’t he keep eye contact with me”?

 

The pandemic comes. Coronavirus is here , and it has everyone frightened. The whole city shut down, and we were ordered to stay in our home to quarantine. I didn’t mind, because I was able to be with my kids. More importantly, this was my moment to teach Elyne a few words. The 1st word I wanted to start off with is “Momma”. It’s important that my son knows my unofficial name, which in reality is official to him. Every time that I tried to get closer to him, he turned away. If I touch him, he pulls away. If I picked him up, he would let out this scream as if he was saying stranger danger. “Why can’t he keep eye contact with me”? Those eyes. Those almond, slanted, tiring, brown eyes.

 

One day I decided to do a little research on those eyes. So many images, and news articles popped up on google search. Those eyes. I saw those same exact eyes on many children in the images. I started to feel a sense of relief until I saw the words “Autistic” over & over again. A sense of panic started to arise. Does this mean my son is autistic? I started to read the signs of autism:

 

- Repetitive movement

- Speech delayed

- Doesn’t like assistance

- Picky eater

- Loves to hide

- Major loner

- Fearless

- Behavior problem

- Nonchalant

- Barely smiles

- No eye contact

 

Elyne showed every sign of Autism spectrum disorder (ASD). I called family, and friends to try to tell them my concerns. They would respond “he will grow out of it. Just give him a little more time. By now my son is 2 years old, he doesn’t want me to touch him, he doesn’t answer by his name, he only wants to be around his sister. Does he hate me?  I was not letting that doctor out of that room until he understood exactly where I’m coming from. The 30 min appt ran into 1hr and 30 mins. By the end of the appt, I was only able to get referrals to speech therapy, OT evaluations, and to Birmingham for testing. I thought everything would be fine, until I realized there is a waiting list for EVERYTHING!




 



Failure is exactly what I felt. Maybe my son won’t be president. He may have to be inside of my care until I have passed. When that time comes, then who would take care of him? Hot tears is the only thing I felt on my face until Elyne came out of hiding. He sat right inside my lap, looked up at me, rested his head against my chest, and closed his eyes. He’s actually touching me. He’s letting me embrace him, and it feels soooooo good to finally do it after 2 years.

 

To my son Elyne: I promise to never leave your side. I promise to be your voice, and to find every bit of resource I can to help you. You will be a future leader in my eyes. It’s always going to be you , and never them.


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