It Changed My Life,But Now I Have A Reason to Smile

My mother was killed April 12, 1998. This was a day I will never forget. At the time I was 7 years old. I remember the details of this day so vividly as if it happened today. It was Easter Sunday, my mom got my brother and I dressed for church. As we were attempting to leave my dad sparked an argument with my mom. The next thing I know he took her keys and we were waiting on a ride. We never made it to the Easter service. My cousin later came to pick us up so we were able to attend the egg hunt. After we were done with Easter celebrations we went to my cousins house. As the night time hours begin to approach my mom deemed it necessary to get her keys to her car. My cousin took us home. My mom informed my brother and I that she would be right back. What happened next was life changing. My mom went and knocked on the door to the apartment we lived in and waited. Finally my dad came outside. My parents argued for quite some time. My dad walked back into the house and my mother stood there. My returned and once again they begin to argue. My mother turned her back to my dad and I begin to see sparks, 7 sparks to be exact. My mother fell to the ground. At this moment I knew I would never see her alive again, hear her voice, or have her hug me. Growing up without my mom has been as tough. I can recall so many times I wished she was here. I would have nightmares about her death and wake up with tears streaming down my face. There were so many nights my pillow has been drenched in tears. I would have to say the most challenging part of losing her was becoming a woman. Of course I have cousins and aunts that stepped in to fill the void, but no one could ever be the same as having mom. I have had lots of therapy over the years which has helped but even as an adult I still struggle everyday dealing with the loss. I am now a mother of three beautiful girls. The love I have for my girls is hard to even put into words. I dedicate my all to them just to give them the love that was taken from me at such a young age. The mourning for my mother will never end. I will cherish the memories of my mother for as long as I shall live. My relationship with my dad was affected tremendously. I can count on one hand how many times I have even spoken to him since 1998. The only memories I have of him are faded. I haven’t seen my dad since the day he decided to ruin my life. The person who has been there for me since the day I met him is my fiancé, the love of my life. He has been my rock through the tough times. I know these 8 years haven’t been the easiest for him but whenever I look over, he’s there. I admire the way he provides the love for our girls, something I’ll never have. I can honestly sad that even with the heartache I have endured throughout my life, I have every reason to smile.