Hope After Loss, Surviving Stillbirth
Pregnant with daughter Anilah |
On July 08,2014 I woke up around 8:30 am as usual, but something was different. I went to the bathroom and my stomach was extremely hard and my baby wasn't moving. So I went to my mothers room woke up her, and they rushed me to the hospital. We arrived to a hospital here in Montgomery where I went straight upstairs to Labor and Delivery. I was explaining to the nurses why I was visiting, and the first they did was put me on the baby monitor. Patiently waiting with my family, they couldn't find her heartbeat so they tried an ultrasound instead. There was still no heartbeat. When one of the doctors arrived he touched around my belly, but didn't say a word as if he knew there was something wrong. One of the nurse, came in, and sat next to me, and said " I'm sorry Latasha she's gone and there is nothing we can do to bring her back". My family and I sat in the room devastated wondering how could something happen to someone who was innocent as a her. After waiting and waiting my doctor finally came in to me to tell me I had to have an emergency cesarean, because I was loosing to much blood, and my pressure was high. They came in around 3:30pm to prep me for surgery, and they took me to start. When I woke up, I was hooked to several IVs because I had to receive a blood transfusion due to the large amounts of blood loss. My doctor came to my room and, explained that my placenta moved away from the baby, and that caused it to happened. They came and ask was I ready to see her and I replied "yes". She was laying in my arms so peacefully as if she was sleeping. That is something I'll never get back. Three long days went by still not understanding what happen to me. I moved to another room, and that Friday I went home. A whole week of planning her home going service came fast and I was no where near ready to see that day. Sunday, July 20 came and I realize that after that day I'll never see my Anilah again. I remember walking around the house anticipating and nervous, but I got my self together for her service.
Everyday I wake up that's everyday I'm without my daughter .I never got to see her let alone hear her call my name and deal with that everyday .It doesn't matter how much I cry my tears will never bring her back . No ones deserve to go something like this .Even after two years, I'm still puzzled, but I don't ask why. I know that everything happens for reason and I don't question that. Accepting something such as loosing a baby can break to your lowest point or it can make you become stronger. I'll never forget my first and only daughter Anilah Irmoni Exford.
To all mother's that have endured this tragedy loss of a stillborn same as I have you have to be strong , you have to give yourself time to heal and grieve before moving on. I know and understand that it's hard but you have to remain strong and know god makes no mistakes. I can't predict on how long it takes to but it's not a easy process and I wish you all the best .
Today 2 years later I'm expecting again and I'm having a baby boy named Taylen. It's the best feeling in the world and I couldn't be more excited. It means the world to me being able to carry another child after enduring so much pain. Words can't explain how happy I am and it's a wonderful feeling.
To all mother's that have endured this tragedy loss of a stillborn same as I have you have to be strong , you have to give yourself time to heal and grieve before moving on. I know and understand that it's hard but you have to remain strong and know God makes no mistakes. I can't predict on how long it takes to, but it's not a easy process and I wish you all the best .