Proved Herself Exceptional

My name is Aisha Griffin, and I am a 32 yr old resident of Montgomery, Al. I was born and raised in Maryland, and at the age 10 my world was turned upside down. I lost a person that I felt should have forever been by my side, my mother. As a little girl your mother is who in your mind is always supposed to be around even if you don't have anyone else. I had dreams of her being there for my first and last everything. Although I experienced this tragedy, I was fortunate to be able to grow up with family thanks to my grandma and aunt. They showed me unconditional love without a doubt, but there is nothing like the love of a mother. At such a young age I was experiencing things that I didn't feel was normal, and to afraid to express them so I bottled them in and mask my feelings. On the inside I was hurt, angry, lonely, and felt like God was punishing me. I blamed myself, I felt like God nor my mother loved me because if they did she would still be with me. I needed her more, so I thought.
 It was natural for me to feel that way because I was young, and couldn't fully understand the things that had occured. As I got older the feelings got worse, and I became a wayward child. I had made up in my mind that nothing or no one could replace what I was missing. In my mind the only way to fix it was to have a baby of my own. In my eyes my own baby would fix my feelings, emotions, and would always be with me the way my mother was supposed to have been with me. I had my first daughter on October 7, 2004, naming her Na'Shiya Zeigler. She changed my life without a shadow of a doubt. Although she isn't my only child and nor do I love one more than the other, but I looked at her as my "love child". Love is what I was in search of the most. Over the next 2-2 1/2 years I was loving her and she was loving me. Of course life was still occuring, and I reached a point where I felt something else was missing. My life hadn't gone as planned, and I was back to searching. My second daughter came along on January 3, 2007 naming her Kamiyah Moore. At this point in my life I looked at Kamiyah as my "peace child". In the mist of my storm, my short comings, and life itself she kept me calm. Together my love and peace was balancing me out. Life wasn't it's best, but I was striving and living for my girls. Things got rough along the way, and I found myself back lost. I was living, but not existing in sesrch of a purpose. Here I was faced being angry with God once again,  wondering why I was still being punished after so long. I found myself being selfish, making bad choices and decisions. I felt like I was stuck in quicksand slowly sinking, but knowing I had to let go of what was weighing me down. I had to search and find "my strength", and I met her on February 21, 2011 her name is Jaisha Marshall. I did some soul searching and self-evaluating to figure it out. Here I was doing all this complaining thinking God had given up on me, when he had really given me all I needed which was love, peace, and strength. The things I thought were being thrown at me to tare me down, was actually being used to build me into the woman I am today. I no longer carry the ill feelings towards my mother, because it was all apart of God's plan. Although I find myself caught up in my emotions of not having a mother, I have come to realize I am living through her. As a parent we always want our kids to be better than us" and in certain aspects of my life I have. The anger I once had has evolved into opportunities. My oldest daughter is 12 at 12 I didn't have my mom, my middle daughter is 9 with in the next year I would be losing my mom, my youngest daughter is 5 and I hold those memories close at heart now. As the saying goes you can either let a situation make you bitter or better, and growing up without a mother did both for me. I am thankful for growth within myself and the ability to change. My love, peace, and strength keep me going day to day. In return of having gone threw and coming out, I hope I have made that special angel of mine my mommy Michelle proud of me.

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