I Let Go of The Bitterness and Anger

 

 

I don’t think people truly understand how much is lost when a woman

has a miscarriage. You, not only lose a baby, you lose faith, happiness, and

hope; basically, you lose it all until the womb heals. My name is LaToshia

McGrew Office and I am married to former Buffalo Bills, Kendrick L. Office. My

husband and I suffered probably one of the most painful miscarriages a

woman can experience. In April 2012, around 1:00am I begin to experience

severe pain in my abdomen. We got dressed and arrived at the local hospital

within minutes. I begin to tell the doctor my symptoms, he replied, “Are you

pregnant”? I stated, “no, I don’t think so”. He said, well I’m going to give

you a pregnancy test. I took the test and waited patiently on the results. The

doctor comes in the room and says to the both of us, you’re pregnant. My

husband immediately became overjoyed until the doctor stated, “no, there is

a problem and if I don’t get her to the hospital immediately she could

die”. At that time, the nurses came in and proceeded to put an IV in my arm.

The ambulance was waiting outside to transport me to Anderson hospital.

Upon arrival, my blood pressure had gone up. I remember thinking, “Lord, I

know you didn’t bring me this far to leave me”. I begin praying, by this time,

my OBGYN had arrived and she explained to me what was going on and for

the first time in my life, I was being admitted to a hospital. At this moment, I

am in total shock. I was given medication to keep me calm. I remained in the

hospital for two days watching my HCG levels go up and down. Finally, the

doctor informed me that the chances of carrying full term was slim to none

and the only thing I could do was wait on the miscarriage to complete itself.

After being discharged, I was off work for about a week. I took a home

pregnancy test almost every day just to see the positive results. I knew I was

losing the baby, but I did not want to accept it. Five years later and I still

have the picture saved in my phone.

 

 

 

 

I returned to work the next week still waiting on the miscarriage to

complete itself. I remember thinking, is my body ever going to get back

normal. My first day back I begin to experience severe pain again, this time it

was 10 times worse than before. I called my husband to come pick me up

and take me to the hospital. The pain got so severe until it felt like I was

dying and at one point I didn’t care, I just wanted the pain to stop. We made

it to the hospital, only to be told that the miscarriage still hasn’t completed

itself and the further along you are, the worse the pain. I was given Lortabs

and sent home. We all know that if you take Lortabs long enough, they will

become addicted. Well, that’s exactly what happen. The Lortabs took the

pain away, so I thought. It is now May 2012, and here I am still waiting on the

miscarriage to “complete itself”, it’s been about 2 weeks ago since I was

admitted to the hospital. I was told miscarriages can take a few weeks to a

month to physically recover, it all depends on how far along you are at the

time. On Mother’s Day 2012, I remember sitting in church watching as all the

mothers receive certificates for Mother’s Day. Here I am, losing a child while

everyone else was receiving certificates in honor of Mother’s Day. After

church, my husband and I had dinner at one of the local restaurants. As we

were eating I felt something strange, I went to the restroom, only to find out

what the doctor meant by “complete itself”. On Mother’s Day 2012, my

miscarriage completed itself. I had not been to church on Mother’s Day since

I experienced the miscarriage. On Mother’s Day 2017, I let go of the

bitterness and anger, I attended church that Sunday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I’m feeling discouraged, I read Genesis 1:28 God tells us, “to be

fruitful and multiply”. Psalms 112, he tells us, “our children would be mighty

in the land”. Psalms 113, he said, “he would make the bearing woman a

happy mother of children”. I know that God is faithful to his word, but until

then to be continued…….

 

 

 

*Did you know*

Miscarriages a$ects 1 in 4 women. I am that 1 in 4. I have survived the

unimaginable. I am a woman who has lost a baby.