I Was A Domestic Violence Victim, But Now I'm A Survivor
Photography By: Felecia Causey
My name is Roshada and I was a victim of domestic violence, but now I say I am a survivor.
It began about 5 years ago, when I was in a very vulnerable state of mind. I was lonely and looking for someone or something to just love me. My beautiful nightmare began, when I met this man on social media. It first started as casual conversations, but one Sunday I decided to allow him to come to my house. I was in the yard washing my truck when he called my phone, and told me he wondered if I was as pretty on any other day as I looked while I was sweating. I wasn't that fascinated by the comment, but I agreed to let him take me on a date. He pulled up to my house 10 minutes later. I wasn't aware that he only lived five minutes away.
When I saw him all I could see was this nicely built, soft spoken handsome man standing in front of me, and ignoring the fact he had a monitor on his leg. After our encounter, it was long late nights conversations about his dreams and wants. It all sounded like I found the perfect "build a man".
He would come to my house to cook and clean. He was an amazing cook. When I got off work, he would come pick me up and cook, while I relaxed. I thought I had it made. He eventually moved in with me, and that's when he started being controlling. He would control how the house was set up, what I could eat, and even what I wore to bed.
After about four months into the relationship is when the physical abuse started. We attended a party, and that's when I noticed he was drinking a lot. When we got in the truck he became very aggressive, and because I had a smart mouth with him, he turned to me with so much anger and slapped me so hard that my contact came out my eye.
I went to his father's house for a safe place at 2:00 in the morning . He came to where I was, and he did not care that his dad was standing there. He balled up his fist up to strike me again, but walked away.
When I left, he called me all night telling me how sorry he was, and that he would never do it again. Yes, I decided to take him back. Then two months had passed, and everything was going fine. We had some friends over one night for a get together. My house was known as the party house to our friends and family. We were drinking and having fun when he called me to the bedroom. I remember I was standing by my bed with my back turned towards him, and that's when I felt him come up behind and choke me. I wasn't able to react because I had been drinking, but I could feel myself slipping away. My son knocked on the door, and that's when he let me go. I instantly dropped to the floor, and my son asked what was wrong. He told him, I was just drunk.
As time went on things had gotten even worse. One day on the 4th of July, we went to his family house, and I noticed he was drinking a lot again. I did everything in my power to stay calm, and I thought it worked. When we got home, he decided to drop me off in my car, so he could go hang out. I didn't want him to go, but he pushed me off and left. I jumped in my other car and followed him, and that's when we ended up arguing in front of people. I thought I would be okay, and that he wouldn't hit me in front of anyone, but I was wrong. He picked me up by my neck, and threw me across the yard. I was so embarrassed, and I jumped up and went to his mother's house, which I thought would be a safe place. She asked me not to call the police. She convinced me that he loved me. She told me that the bleeding would stop, the pain would go away and it would be fine. I was shocked.
It had gotten back to my sons of what was going on, and when they came there, his mother covered it all up.
Things got even worse. He would push me down and choke me, until I would pass out or stop fighting. I remember a situation one Valentines Day, we decided to go to a show, and I gave him my phone to hold. I wasn't aware that one of my exes had called until I got in the car. He dragged me out of the truck, by my hair leaving me there, and I had to walk home.
I went to my nephew's house, and yet again he found me. He continued to act crazy. I some how found myself standing in his truck door, and that's when he grabbed me by my arm. He ended up dragging me from one house to the next. I hit my head and it caused me to have a seizure.'
When I went to the hospital, I lied about what happened.
This man would come on to my kids' girlfriends, and he even had a baby on me. The fear I had, kept me bound.
One night we argued until 3:00 in the morning, and he kept trying to get me to drink something he had fixed. When I refused, he threw it in my face, cursed me out, and he said I hope you die and I hate you. I stood on the side of my bed, looked him in his eyes, and I said the same death you wished on me, will come back on your family.
After he lost some family members, he came into some insurance money. He began clubbing, hanging out, not coming home, and cheating. One day, I asked God to show me where he was and He did. When I walked into his son's mother's house, I saw him laying in her bed without clothes. I grabbed all of his clothes and left. When he made it to the house, and I wouldn't let him in, he burst the bathroom window out causing the glass to cut me across my face. I began to get scared. When, the police came, they told me I couldn't put him out, because both of our names were on the house. They told me, I needed to leave if I didn't feel safe.
With time the verbal became just as worst as the physical. Every time I called the police, I would be the one in handcuffs. I stopped calling them, and began to pray daily that this would stop. I had an operation, and he would push me to the ground. He knew I had drain ports in, but he didn't care.
One night, after working 12 hours that day, I was tired and I didn't feel like cooking. He was very upset and he left and to go get himself some food. I went to lay down, and before I knew it I was sleep. When I woke up, and asked him did he get me anything to eat, he looked at me with so much anger in his eyes. When I heard the tone of his voice, I moved away. He picked up a table with glass rocks décor, and threw it at me as hard as he could. It barely missed my head. I was already suffering from fluid on the back of my brain, due to all the choking and head trauma. I kept walking and pretended, that I didn't notice. I decided to go into my son's room to lock the door, and go to sleep. At 3:00 that morning I got up to clean the mess up not noticing what was all in it. I didn't realize a picture of his son and mother was in the trash I dumped in the garbage. It was about 10 minutes after I laid back down, he kicked the door down. As soon as I jumped up, he put all his weight on me with his hand around my throat. I couldn't breathe, I begged God to just take me, I just wanted to die. The smell of death was on his breath. I can not explain the smell I just wanted God to get me out. He eventually let go when he saw I wasn't moving or breathing heavy. As I gasped for my breath, he came back and started choking me again. I whispered out to him please just kill me. He looked at me and responded "I wish I could".
I thought it was over until he came to my house on his birthday drunk. He was acting out of control. He ripped my clothes almost off me and pushed me out my bed, and then forced his self into me. I got up and told him to get out. I had enough, and I took control of my life. I now suffer from migraines, panic attacks, fluid on the back of my brain, and pain in my hip from a hair line fracture. I went through hell to get to my heaven. I no longer have suicidal thoughts, no more drinking the pain away, no more partying to ease the pain, and no more anger. I am so thankful.
