It Hasn't Been Easy, But I Am Still Here

Hi, my name is Jerica Desmond.  I am a devoted  mother and wife. I have  two living children and one deceased.

On, September 23, 2015 God decided he wanted one of his angels back. This would be
a day I will never forget.

What started off as a normal work day for me turned out to be the saddest day of my life.While at work, like any other day I was eating my favorite meal of the day.I began feeling pressure in my vaginal area. At, that moment I had bowel movement symptoms. I informed  a coworker of my symptoms and she mentioned that she felt the same way when she miscarried .She immediately said, I  need to get to a doctor to be checked.I called  my husband but no response. I figured  he was asleep due to working long hours the night before .I decided to wait and see if I would have a bowel movement.  I eventually did but soon after the pressure became worse. I called my mom to ask if it was  normal to  feel the way I was. After, informing mom of my symptoms, not being able to get in touch with my husband ; she insisted that I call the ambulance. I decided to call my sister- in-law to see if she could go over to the house, and wake my husband. She managed to wake him, and tell him I needed to go to the emergency room. While, waiting on him to get there the pain worsened.

My husband finally made it and as we were heading to the ER I found myself  on my knees in so much pain. I had never experienced so much pain until that day. As we made it further up the road construction was taking place and it would cause a delay in getting to the ER. My husband called the ambulance and told them that I was in labor so we got half way and the ambulance picked me up and took  me the rest of the way .

As soon I got in the ambulance  they started asking me questions and getting my vital signs.

I informed the EMT that my contractions were  back to back and they were lasting a long time.

She told me to hold her hand and breath the next time I had a contraction.

 

My blood pressure was extremely low so I was rushed  right up to the OB floor.I was admitted into a room and soon after the midwife came in and  checked me.she told me that I was fully dilated. Then,  she asked how many months I was.   I told her 20 weeks and so then she told me that I was about to have my baby and that it wasn't going to make it. I started to cry and wondering  why all of  this was happening to me. I began to push and after a couple of pushes the first thing that came out was my placenta and a hold bunch of blood. I was experiencing Placenta Abruption. This is when the  placenta detach from the baby and cuts off their oxygen. I was only pushing out blood so they told me that they were going to do an emergency c-section because my blood pressure was to low and I had lost to much blood.

I removed all my jewelry and  they rushed me right to surgery.  A couple of hours later they delivered my baby.

The nurse came in and asked me did I wanted see my baby.  She brought my baby to the room and as she handed him to me,  I broke down cause I was right the entire time.  I had a son and  I decided to  name him Jaylen Lee Desmond . He was exactly what I wished for, but God knew what was best. Even when I questioned Him upset and mad he still had his reasons for only letting me have him just for a little while.

I often sit back, and wonder how things would be if my little man was here, and how only if I could just here you say mommy or just to kiss you little cheeks.  The only things I have are the short memories.

When we don't understand things in life He knows why things happen but I just could not seem to understand why this was happening to me . I  just needed some answers, and wanted to know why my son had to leave me. I was so up set and angry . I was  full of anger and hate because I wanted to know  why he took  my only son that I prayed for.

I was so depressed, not  able to sleep,  and had to take sleeping medication. I really wanted to give up on life, but I had something to live for my Daughter Ja'Laysia. She is the reason I could continue on, but the Lord has bless me to have another baby girl who I named Jaycelyn A'Lana Desmond her and her brother birthdays are two days apart.

So I thank Him for blessing me to have her and carry her to term. So for all the young mothers that has lost a child and feels like it's the end of the world, it's not because God knows best even when we don't. I just pray about it and ask God to heal your heart . I can't say my journey has been easy but I'm still here and I will always keep my son close to my heart .

Mommy loves you Jaylen Lee Desmond 9-23-15💙👣💔💋;