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Written By: Felecia Causey
I've been reflecting on the concept of self-sabotage lately, and it's a theme that keeps surfacing in various aspects of my life. It's truly remarkable how often we, and those around us, inadvertently undermine our own success and happiness.
My children are learning valuable life lessons about integrity and trust. We instill in them the importance of fulfilling their responsibilities, and leaving the rest to God. However, we also emphasize the necessity of recognizing and disengaging from toxic relationships. This is a delicate balance— maintaining faith while also prioritizing self-preservation. Drawing a parallel to nature, we use the example of a rattlesnake's warning before striking: a clear signal that impending danger necessitates retreat. Similarly, when people exhibit deceitful behavior or manipulation, setting boundaries is crucial for self-protection.
My own experiences have strengthened this conviction. I've learned to rely on my own judgment of character, based on direct interactions, rather than accepting secondhand opinions. Attempts to manipulate my perception of others, particularly when those attempts are masked under familial obligation, are met with firm boundaries. My feelings are valid and personal, and I won't be swayed by undue influence. We've shared with our children the parable of the snake shedding its skin; its appearance may change, but its venomous nature remains.
Recently, I encountered this principle firsthand in multiple situations. During a restaurant review, a staff member initially reacted negatively to me photographing, only to show regret upon learning my identity. This incident highlighted the dangers of premature judgment. While the initial remark was irritating, it didn't diminish the quality of the food itself.
My daughter faced a similar challenge when a business tried to renege on a contract. Their attempts to rewrite the agreement failed thanks to her diligent record-keeping, a lesson in safeguarding oneself against dishonesty. Their subsequent attempt at damage control, claiming accidental email distribution, was clearly insincere. This reinforced the importance of written documentation and confirmed that trust is only earned through proven actions.
I recall a young man bagging a customer's groceries before me when I entered a supermarket store. She denied that she needed assistance when he inquired. I wanted to tip the bagger, so I took out an additional $10 as I was getting ready to pay. I put my tip back in my purse because, regrettably, he did not treat me with the same consideration as the last customer. Even though I was about to decline the assistance, he decided that I wouldn't tip him. Since you don't know anyone's identity or possessions, the valuable lesson is to treat everyone equally. For this reason, you should avoid making snap judgments based on appearances.
It is a daily practice, a process of learning and adjusting my responses. I’m continually working on tempering my anger and avoiding rash decisions that could lead to self-sabotage. This extends to all scenarios – business owners stressed over managing a bad day, hairdressers contradicting their own policies, or wait staff exhibiting judgmental behavior. We all have moments where we need to check our behavior, avoid knee-jerk reactions, and resist the urge to let our emotions or ingrained habits control our actions. The common thread is the importance of self-awareness and choosing thoughtful responses.
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