Written By: Ebony Davis
Photography: Felecia Causey
Less than 13 percent. That’s the likelihood of survival that
a doctor gave my son Isaiah, who was born at just 23 weeks. I believed that the
greater percentage of life was indeed lost when the delivering doctor said that
Isaiah’s heart was not beating. But, love prevailed, and my little boy soon
gained a heartbeat and was on his way to five months of growth in a neonatal
intensive care unit.
You want to think that after not being able to hold your baby
as soon as he opens his eyes in the world or after watching him fight for his
life day after day before coming home, that you’ve experienced “enough” trauma
for one lifetime and that all else should go well. But “we” mamas – the mothers
with premature babies who experienced some kind of shortfall that may or not be
connected to prematurity – know that that’s not how life works. The same roller
coaster journey we experienced in the NICU might very well be a similar journey
with other health matters.
That’s been the case with my Isaiah and autism. But let me
back-track: life’s been good. God is oh so good and so merciful, and my Isaiah
is a bright-spirited, intelligent, high-functioning 10 year-old with no
physical health disabilities. Autism has not been a setback in any way, but
rather an experience that we learn more about every season.
I first had Isaiah examined when he was around 4 years old
because he was not cognizant of his surroundings. He repeatedly “missed the
memo” to look both ways when crossing a street and always focused on whatever
it was directly in front of him. He’d fall and not cry, showing that he had a
high tolerance for pain. We visited a psychologist who ran tests and determined
that he had a “mild” case of autism, as he was diagnosed at the time the
medical profession was phasing out the “spectrum.” Had he been on the spectrum,
he might have been diagnosed with Asperger’s. This particular form of autism is
more social than it is mentally disabling: although Isaiah spoke later in life,
he speaks and moves well. With Asperger’s he may just choose to speak when he
wants.
Isaiah is very friendly but very focused on what matters to
him. So children’s games like “Tag” and “Hide-and-go-Seek” are fun for him when
he’s “not it,” but they often can call for a tantrum – even at age 10 – when he
isn’t. You might think that that’s any child’s deal. But with autism, those tantrums
can be debilitating by leading up to a series of rocking and self-stimulation
mechanisms that make those around Isaiah nervous.
It’s sometimes difficult for Isaiah to work on math problems
at school because the “matter-of-facts” in life aren’t as easy to come by with
word problems. Therefore, it may take an extended amount of time to help Isaiah
find the rationale or “fun” in learning a particular math assignment.
He doesn’t like to write much. He repeats “I love you” and “You’re
Beautiful” to almost everyone he meets: a treat the first-time to unexpected
passersby but often an annoyance to those who know him. He keeps tiny things in
his hands at all time.
There’s a scripture in John 9 of the Bible where disciples
of Jesus ask him what a man’s parents had done for the man to have been born
with a disability. Jesus replies in John 9:3 “Neither this man nor his parents
sinned, but this happened so that the works of God would be displayed in him”
(NIV). I believe that firmly for every special individual with an autism
diagnosis.
You’ll hear that every autistic child has some kind of
unique gift. I think Isaiah’s is his value for small things. I say he’s going
to be an engineer because he loves to tinker with small things. He is also so
bright-spirited, I don’t know that the world could handle him if his light didn’t
shine behind something the world doesn’t completely understand.
This is beautiful Ebony. Thanks so much for sharing. I see a lot of my Owen in your Isaiah. I hold that scripture in my heart too. — Abbey
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